Knock. Knock. : An Attempt to Short Story Making

KNOCK. KNOCK.

I heard them, though, it was quite just like a tap. I look at the clock hanging in the wall.  2 in the morning.

KNOCK. KNOCK.

There they go again.  But this time, a bit louder.  I look at the door, this time.

I am not expecting anybody.  More over, at this hour?   Every living being is supposed to be sleeping at  this time.

My neighbors are sleeping.  I should be sleeping.  I wonder who is at the other side of this wooden door.  

SILENCE.

I waited for another minute.  Maybe, a dream?   So, i go back to lying in my bed.  As my head hit the pillow,  another set of knocks.  More rapid, more eager.  

KNOCK.  KNOCK.  KNOCK.  KNOCK.

This time i answered, “Who is it?”  

I stood up and head for the door.

“It’s me.'”  I heard it clear, though he just said it  like a whisper.  I can’t believe.  I don’t want to believe.  I know that voice very well.  But it can’t be coming from him.  It has been two years.  Two long years.

“It’s me”, he repeated.  My mind is spinning as i open the door slowly.  I never expected this thing would happen. Not in this lifetime, anyway.  Much things had happened.

But there he is.  Two eyes looking at me intently.  As he uttered the words, “I told you I’ll come back. Im here now.”

I looked back at him, mixed emotions starting to build up inside me.  Anger, relief, broken, happy.  But most of all, sad.  I cannot believe how can he say that casually after two long years of disappearing.  Two long years of my misery.

But i won’t let him know it.  I will stand my ground, so I look right through his deep brown eyes.  It stared back at me, searching.  

SILENCE. 

As I pulled out a long sigh, i got myself to answer.  ” Why now?”  “Why can’t it be now?”, he replied back, too quickly.

SILENCE.

“Because when you left, you left without saying goodbye.  You left my heart broken.”

“I can fix this.  I will fix this, promise!”  Those eyes, begging.

Teardrops fell on his cheeks.  He hugged me tight.

Teardrops fell on my cheeks.  I pushed him away.

“I know you can, I know you will.  But I don’t want you to.”   

Then my broken heart bursts completely, shattering into pieces.  Its beyond repair now.  Forever.

 

This is my very first try. What do you think?  I just altered some major details but this was based from a recent encounter.  Yes, it happened really, till now I cant believe it. Maybe, this is the ending i wanted to have.  Just maybe.

 

 

 

 

 

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Categories: Uncategorized | 8 Comments

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8 thoughts on “Knock. Knock. : An Attempt to Short Story Making

  1. I like the inner dialogue, very good. The story is good itself. There are some structure things, but we all have those problems…me all the time. 🙂 One part I think…if you took out “Those eyes begging” and moved the “Tearsdrops fell on his cheeks” in that spot you would have the same impact, especially with his words and tone. You did well with that dialogue, you made him sound like he was begging. So you don’t have to then tell us. 🙂 Good start. Hope you don’t mind if I Follow your blog to see where you go. Good luck.

    • hiyee ronovan. really thanks for spending some time reading my story, and really appreciate you commenting on it. i tried doing what u suggested, and point taken, thank you again for that. will see what the writing world holds for me…i have a long way to go. but i have lots of people, inc. u to lead the way, i hope. hehe
      im following you now, too!

      • Thank you. You didn’t have to follow me. I hope I didn’t come across badly. I loved the feel of it and the emotions were so there. 🙂 Oh, but I am glad you are following me. 😀

      • nope, another take, good or bad, besides mine will do better than nothing at all. Appreciate the comments more. 🙂 But i do hope not a lot of heartwrenching episodes in the real world for me to be able to come up with something. Haha

  2. arjaye! i’m sort of intrigue of the story behind this short story…you ha! it’s like Maalaala mo kaya drama… give me moar!!! hehehe! this is really good. if you can make a poem…you sure can write a short story..hopefully next time full length novel na.

    • oohhh! lai… this is one true to life story. slight alterations but see the knocks, they really happened. recently! arrggh! novella muna pede.. but i dont want to undergo heartpains so much ha.. in order to make one. please, spare me those, i can try to focus on other genres!haha

  3. I really enjoyed your story! Well done! Sorry to hear it is based on a true moment in your life…never fun to have your heart broken into thousand pieces.
    If I may make a couple of suggestions…I agree with Ronovan point above. I also would make a change where you say “But I won’t let him know it”…you don’t need “I will stand my ground”…if you go from “I won’t let him know it” to “I look through his deep brown eyes” it makes it more powerful, and again it SHOWS us rather TELLING us what the character’s emotions/actions are. It is a great start and it is exciting to see where you go with it! Look forward to more!

    • i really do appreciate your inputs.. it will be of a big help in the nearest future of my writing career. i do hope that i dont use my emotional drama, always, so to speak, to be able to come up with good, powerful creations.haha thanks again and hope to hear from you again. 🙂

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