I cried, when i read the book last year.

I cried, when i watched it just a few minutes ago.

It doesn’t matter if  i met Augustus Waters and Hazel Gray Lancaster in words separated by a year plus a half maybe before i get to see them alive in my eyes.  What matters most is the effect it had on me while reading and watching them.  More so, i waited for another month before i let it be played, because i don’t wanna be just on the “now showing” hype or the bandwagon.  I wanted to really feel the “feels” and to ready myself for such a cry fest or for the attack of the emo-s.  And indeed,  I am not mistaken. I am telling you, the impact is the same.  It hit me BIGTIME, like when i read them the first time.



The story for me is not only about grief, not only about even pity for those who have life threatening sickness such as cancer.  It is not only about on how to cope up with the loss of a loved-one or the journey of life for those who were running out of time for it.

For me, it’s more of a story about HOPE.  That in this world we live in, no matter how unfair, devastating, cruel and tragic the situations we are in, we find hope.  In love and friendship and family. Because of hope we build the courage, find strength, conquer fears and pain and experience joy and the source of happiness and fulfillment no matter what.  Because of hope, we live in this world with a purpose, not thinking about the grandest gesture but to even just make one person smile.  I think, it is enough.

I really like Hazel and Gus.  They made themselves perfect for each other despite for their imperfect world.  


“You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world…but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices.”


“Maybe ‘okay’ will be our ‘always”


“It would be a privilege to have my heart broken by you.”



“You gave me a forever within the numbered days, and I’m grateful.”


“You say you’re not special because the world doesn’t know about you, but that’s an insult to me. I know about you.”



“I will not tell you our love story, because-like all real love stories-it will die with us,as it should.”


And that last letter of Gus… it breaks my heart, every time!

Van Houten,

I’m a good person but a shitty writer. You’re a shitty person but a good writer. We’d make a good team. I don’t want to ask you any
favors, but if you have time—and from what I saw, you have plenty—I was wondering if you could write a eulogy for Hazel. I’ve got
notes and everything, but if you could just make it into a coherent whole or whatever? Or even just tell me what I should say differently.

Here’s the thing about Hazel: Almost everyone is obsessed with leaving a mark upon the world. Bequeathing a legacy. Outlasting death.
We all want to be remembered. I do, too. That’s what bothers me most, is being another unremembered casualty in the ancient and
inglorious war against disease.

I want to leave a mark.

But Van Houten: The marks humans leave are too often scars. You build a hideous minimall or start a coup or try to become a rock star
and you think, “They’ll remember me now,” but (a) they don’t remember you, and (b) all you leave behind are more scars. Your coup
becomes a dictatorship. Your minimall becomes a lesion.

(Okay, maybe I’m not such a shitty writer. But I can’t pull my ideas together, Van Houten. My thoughts are stars I can’t fathom into

We are like a bunch of dogs squirting on fire hydrants. We poison the groundwater with our toxic piss, marking everything MINE in a
ridiculous attempt to survive our deaths. I can’t stop pissing on fire hydrants. I know it’s silly and useless—epically useless in my current
state—but I am an animal like any other.

Hazel is different. She walks lightly, old man. She walks lightly upon the earth. Hazel knows the truth: We’re as likely to hurt the universe
as we are to help it, and we’re not likely to do either.

People will say it’s sad that she leaves a lesser scar, that fewer remember her, that she was loved deeply but not widely. But it’s not sad,
Van Houten. It’s triumphant. It’s heroic. Isn’t that the real heroism? Like the doctors say: First, do no harm.

The real heroes anyway aren’t the people doing things; the real heroes are the people NOTICING things, paying attention. The guy who
invented the smallpox vaccine didn’t actually invent anything. He just noticed that people with cowpox didn’t get smallpox.

After my PET scan lit up, I snuck into the ICU and saw her while she was unconscious. I just walked in behind a nurse with a badge and I
got to sit next to her for like ten minutes before I got caught. I really thought she was going to die before I could tell her that I was going
to die, too. It was brutal: the incessant mechanized haranguing of intensive care. She had this dark cancer water dripping out of her
chest. Eyes closed. Intubated. But her hand was still her hand, still warm and the nails painted this almost black dark blue and I just held
her hand and tried to imagine the world without us and for about one second I was a good enough person to hope she died so she
would never know that I was going, too. But then I wanted more time so we could fall in love. I got my wish, I suppose. I left my scar.

A nurse guy came in and told me I had to leave, that visitors weren’t allowed, and I asked if she was doing okay, and the guy said, “She’s
still taking on water.” A desert blessing, an ocean curse.

What else? She is so beautiful. You don’t get tired of looking at her. You never worry if she is smarter than you: You know she is. She is
funny without ever being mean. I love her. I am so lucky to love her, Van Houten. You don’t get to choose if you get hurt in this world,
old man, but you do have some say in who hurts you. I like my choices. I hope she likes hers.

I do, Augustus.
I do.

Categories: book review, books, favorite lines, movie, quotes | Tags: , , , | 4 Comments

41. WHERE SHE WENT by Gayle Forman (If I Stay #2)


They say, it’s lonely at the top.
I say, not with you by my side.
We can pluck out the moon and the stars,
Together, as we kiss in the shining moonlight.

But funny, life, oh so it seems,
That when i finally reached my dream.
I stretch out my hand for you to hold,
I gasped, no longer there, just air, biting cold!

Where he went, i keep on repeating.
Where he went, my heart wants to stop beating.
Where he went, as i close my eyes,
Where he went, oh where is my goodbye?

They say, it’s so lonely at the top.
I believe, because i’m just at that.
What use am i being here,
Just take me, and let’s dive in that cold empty sphere.

Where HE went-track 1
OBLIVION (my album-to-be)
Or better yet DELUSION

Nope. Adam is not here. I made that up, since in real life, i am my own Adam Wilde. Minus the fame and the meds and the rockstar image, i really can relate. This book got into me, Big time! Three years and still wondering what happened, what went wrong. That is so cruel. This is my own version of where she went. But unlike Adam, he got his answers at the very end, at least. Me, still up in the air. I just really don’t want to care. Enough!

The Book

Yes, if you read If I Stay, by the same author, you can pick up from where the story left off. If not, i strongly advise to get it right before you turn that pages over. Read so you can get the full history. Bits and pieces will not do any good, though this time, Adam’s narrating his POV, not Mia.

Yes, Mia stayed. Despite all those tragedies in her prime, she battled it out, and she chose to stay. But where she went after? New York was the literal response since becoming a professional cellist is her biggest dream and Juilliard School is in New York. Off she went, took a plane never looked back. And Adam, Adam do not know where to pick up all the pieces. No signs, no clues, no breadcrumbs, no Mia. Mia really stands for her name, Missing In Action.

I remember Adam being Mia’s loyal boyfriend. When she was still fighting for her life in that hospital bed in Oregon, he was her lifeline. He loves her and would do anything, everything, just to make her stay. And stay, she did. But after few months of recovery, she had a change of heart. Why? I cannot tell you why. But i am telling you this, Adam felt so devastated. His world shattered, his heart smashed into pieces. But what was surprising was Mia who caused this broken heart of his was the one who revived not his heart, but his musical dreams. Full of not so happy emotions, he focused on the anger and depression through making lyrics. Then, together with his band, they spiraled into the world of rock and roll. Instant stardom, money and fame. He had it all, even women. He really live up to his name Adam “the Wildman” Wilde.

Despite all the world can offer, he still felt empty and we know why. MIA. Mia whose performing that same night in New York, his last before he traveled to London. I knew it, Adam cant resist the opportunity to see her even from a distance, so he went.

Meeting her was not at an option, much more talking and spending the night with her. But that night sealed the deal. That night was the night of explaining, understanding and closure. That night, Adam got his answers. And that night, he was the one to choose to stay or let go.

For the sake of Adam, i tried not hating Mia so much. I tried to understand. At one point, i failed.

A heart-wrenching tale at that, i am assuring you. I cried! Buckets and buckets for pain, confusion, memories, disappointments, regrets, tearful and happy ones too. What made it worse, i listened to Adam. His voice or that voice over the audiobook was truly a heartbreaker. I sympathized with him, i suffered. But most of all, i fell in love. Got that? Deeply. I fell in love with a rockstar! 🙂

Waiting for your one true love, even if it hurts, rarely happens these days. And Adam did that for Mia. I cant fathom how big is his love. But i wish, oh i really wish there are more of you, Adam Wilde, in the world i live in. I would love to be loved by you! ❤ ❤ ❤

— “But i’d do it again. I know that now. I’d make that promise a thousand times over and lose her a thousand times over to have heard her play last night or to see her in the morning sunlight. Or even without that. Just to know that she’s somewhere out there. Alive.— Adam”

— “Hate me. Devastate me. Annihilate me. Re-create me. Re-create me. Won’t you, re-create me.” —

— “Her hands are freezing, just like they always were, so i warmed them, just like i always did. – Adam” —

— “You don’t share me. You own me. -Adam” —

— “You made me stay!- Mia” —

This one goes straight to my favorites! No question, no doubt!


Categories: book review, books, favorite lines, quotes | Tags: , , , , , | 2 Comments

I took the road less traveled by…


The Road Not Taken

by Robert Frost


Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I –
I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference.

Categories: favorite lines, poems, quotes | Tags: | Leave a comment

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